In Any Other World
by meriyanna
Summary: Her heart felt leaden, cold and heavy and slowly turning everything it touched into the same. It couldn't be possible, it couldn't...and yet. And yet she could feel it. After all, she had felt it before. She knew before the blue lines appeared that she was pregnant.


**Disclaimer: This story will contain in-depth descriptions of gaslighting, mental abuse that causes the victim to doubt their own memory and sanity, other forms of manipulation, and uncomfortable sexual encounters.**

I think disclaimers are going to be a 'thing' for my stories. Sorry. Also, sorry to anyone reading my Ruler fic, I swear I'm working on it.

THANK YOU Liltorgy for giving me feedback on this and Ruler. You are fantastic!

* * *

In Any Other World  
Chapter 1

It had been too long since he'd been home. His life in the professional volleyball circuit was an ever-changing one. After college he hadn't made the final cut for Japan's national team so instead, he opted to join the many players in foreign countries. He'd been a part of a team in Russia for five years, traveling across the world playing matches and proving his abilities.

Five years. That's how long it took for Japan to deem him worthy to participate on their olympic team. It had been an aggravating, sobering, humbling wait, but the feeling of returning home was incomparable to the journey it took to get there.

The apartment still smelled the same despite the years he'd been absent. One perk of his travels had been the pay. It had been more than enough to keep up the rent and even monthly cleaning to clear the dust. The sight was so welcoming he brought his hand to soothe the stinging of his eyes. ' _I'm such a sap._ ' The vibration of his phone called his attention. Blinking once with enough force to rid his eyes of the tears that had been threatening he looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"This is new. _You're_ calling _me_ now? What world is this?"

"Now I regret it. By Kuroo."

"Wait, wait! Kenma, I was joking!"

He was laughing as he spoke. They hadn't seen each other in three years but nothing had changed. They still spoke at least once a week and video-chatted when they could. It was true, however, that Kuroo had always been the one to initiate their conversations. He didn't mind, he was used to it.

Silence continued for a moment before his friend spoke again.

"I missed you."

Kuroo tried not to laugh. It was such an unexpected statement coming from Kenma.

"You're supposed to say that when you see me, now what will you say?"

"Nothing. I'll be playing video games."

Now Kuroo felt like crying for a new reason. It just felt so _good_ to be home. Even though he hadn't seen anyone yet just the knowledge that he _could_ filled him with happiness he hadn't felt in five years. It felt like breathing after drowning.

They spoke for a while longer as Kuroo walked around his home just enjoying each room. He felt like he might sleep with the lights on, just to take everything in until the moment he fell asleep. When he stepped into his room he found a modest pile of mail. Most were bills that had come before his change of address had been registered. There were a few from the past month. As soon as he knew he was coming home he had changed his address back to prepare.

He began to categorize, wedging his phone between cheek and shoulder he started tossing them into different piles. ' _Bill, bill, junk, bill, damn so many already? Junk, junk, letter…_ ' He paused when he reached another letter. The return address was an attorney's office. Curious, he opened it to skim the contents while Kenma told him more about the game he'd been playing.

 _'Mr. Kuroo Tetsuroo,  
_ _The office of X,X, & X will be representing Mitsuku Tame in  
future litigation for case number [XXXXXXXX] regarding  
custody and child support of Kuroo Tetsukou-'_

The rest of the words ran together, his mind no longer making sense of them. No longer making sense of anything. He was frozen in time. A voice was calling out to him but it sounded too far away. The beating of his heart filled his head, pushing blood through him so fast that he felt the pressure of it behind his eyes.

"Tetsuroo!"

He shifted back into being, the frantic voice of his friend calling him back.

"Kenma."

"Tetsuroo, what happened? Are you okay?"

There was more feeling in his voice than ever before.

"Kenma. Have you seen Mitsuku lately?"

The soft buzzing of their phone connection was the only sound. His heartbeats were painful. The paper in his hand was becoming creased in his grip. There was no answer.

"Kenma, please."

He knew something that he was holding back. He knew something that would hurt, but his confirmation was the only thing that could make the words on the paper real.

"Yes. I've seen her recently."

"And?"

A sigh.

"I...It's really not my place."

Was it grief that struck him? That made him bring fisted hands to his face as it wore a pained expression that until then he had been unfamiliar with? A dry sob broke through him and he slid to the floor, leaning against his bed for support. The attorney's letter was ruined. His fingers had pushed so hard they broke through the heavy weighted paper, nails meeting the flesh of his palm and digging in.

"I'm coming over."

The voice was small, his phone still in his fisted hand covering his eyes. He didn't have any objection in him. He had already gone through so many emotions since he'd walked in the door.

' _Tame, Tame, Tame. Why?_ '

* * *

 _She was crying before he called, resigned to the inevitability of the end. She had known this conversation was coming. She thought she prepared herself. Tame listened to the cheerful ringtone for as long as she could but in the end she answered._

" _Hi, Tetsu."_

 _Her voice sounded small. He must have known that he wasn't being subtle the past few weeks. Every day he pushed her farther away to prepare them both for this conversation. At first she had been upset, realizing he hadn't been planning to ask her to go with him, until her body began to tell her something was wrong. She resisted the urge to look at the confirmation in her lap._

" _Hey, Tame."_

 _She pulled the phone away from her as her body betrayed her with a whimper. He didn't even sound like him. Maybe he was hurt. Maybe that's why he decided to do it over the phone._

" _I leave tomorrow."_

 _Of course she knew that. It didn't need to be said and yet she understood why he was drawing it out. She knew he truly cared for her, she knew he couldn't stay. They had only been together half the year but in that time she saw the drive and talent he possessed. He deserved a future. A good future, a better one than anything she could give._

" _You do."_

 _It was all she could say without giving away the shakiness of her voice._

" _We'll be far away from each other."_

 _Her free hand fisted into the blanket she had wrapped around herself. Why did it feel as if he was pulling an organ out with each word he spoke? She felt more empty after every passing moment._

" _We will."_

 _She supposed she would make this as easy as possible for him. No extra words. No pleading. No crying, at least to his knowledge. He'd been wonderful to her, more wonderful than anyone deserved. An easy departure could be her last gift to him._

" _I think...It's best if we quit while we're ahead isn't it?"_

 _She didn't answer. He wasn't looking for one. He was working through his words, trying to figure out what to say._

" _And, maybe, when I come back...Who knows where we'll be then?"_

 _She pressed the phone to her chest to freely let out a few broken sobs before returning it to her ear. She could have just hung up, but she knew he needed to get this out. To leave no loose ends. To tidy up his life before he left. He was following his dream._

" _Who knows?"_

 _Her reply was muffled. She'd covered her mouth to prevent anymore outbursts of emotion._

" _Tame, I love you."_

" _I love you."_

 _The seconds felt like torture. She knew she couldn't be the first to hang up. It had to be him. He had to make the decision so he could face his future unencumbered. Finally, mercifully, he spoke his final words._

" _Goodbye, Tame."_

 _She was unaware if she managed her own farewell before she turned her phone completely off. It fell to the bed blank. She had been right; he had dismembered her little by little, leaving just enough of her heart to survive._

 _In the privacy of her room in the empty house she let out a strangled cry. Why didn't anyone say that the word 'heartbreak' was literal? She looked down to her lap, tears dripping off her face. Her vision blurred but she knew very well what was there._

 _Three tests that all had the same two blue lines._

* * *

Tame woke when her boyfriend left for work. The beeping of the alarm system had invaded her dreams as he exited the house. Yawning, she grumbled to herself. Dai always woke up too early in her opinion but he'd insisted that it was necessary. She stretched, enjoying the feel of her muscles extending to their limits.

Rolling herself to a sitting position she let her eyes adjust to the early morning light. A yawn forced its way out leaving tracks of tears at the corners of her eyes. When she wiped them away she noticed the pulsing blue light coming from her phone still perched on the charging dock across the room.

Stifling a groan she pushed up and shuffled over. Pausing when her phone lit up to admire her background she didn't bother to look at the message label before she opened it.

She wasn't prepared.

 **Kenma:** Kuroo is home. He knows.

Her hand flew to cover her mouth while a small, distant part of her marveled at how quickly her eyes could fill with tears. ' _How did this happen?_ ' It wasn't supposed to happen that way. She was supposed to break it to him in a gentle way when he had a support system around to help him through.

She checked the time of the message. 11:36pm. Kuroo had gotten in the night before and then what? How had he found out? Looking frantically at the current hour she decided she couldn't wait until an acceptable time to call. She dialed Kenma's number

He answered in a whisper.

"Hi, Tame."

"How does he know? What happened? Is he okay?"

She couldn't help the words tumbling out of her. There was some shuffling on the other end, possibly the sound of a door closing.

"What did you think would happen when you sent a notice of litigation regarding child support?"

There was more venom in his words than any emotion she'd ever heard from him. It chilled her.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

An irritated huff.

"' _Mr. Kuroo Tetsuroo, The office of X,X, & X will be representing Mitsuku Tame in future litigation for case number [XXXXXXXX] regarding custody and child support of Kuroo Tetsukou-'_ and so on."

A cold shiver ran through her.

"There's got to be a mistake, I never-"

' _Daishou_ '

"Daishou? _Suguru_ Daishou?"

She bit her lip. She hadn't realized she said the name outloud. Of course Kenma would know who that was.

"Yeah, he works for the law firm you mentioned."

"What does he have to do with this?"

Her stomach felt leaden, just slightly preferable to retching. It was fortunate she hadn't had breakfast yet. Of course Dai would do something like this. He'd known since her pregnancy that her child belonged to Kuroo. She thought he'd been so understanding when he showed interest in her despite her situation.

But she'd learned that people have good traits, even if their core isn't.

"I'm with him, I mean, we're together. Dating. I don't know how he knew Kuroo was returning, or if he even knew. But I know he was the one who sent that letter."

The admission felt nearly as bad as the moment she told her parents of her pregnancy.

"I see."

Her heart broke again.

"Kenma, please believe that I had nothing to do with this."

"I do, I-"

Rustling.

"I think Kuroo is awake. Look, I told him to call you and talk to you about it. Tell Suguru you don't need lawyers to get Kuroo involved. He would have been involved from the very beginning."

The words stung but she couldn't respond.

"I have to go. I'll tell him to call you."

When the line went dead she felt her heartbeat fade. Once again her brokenness manifested physically. It seemed she got weaker with each instance; pulse a little shallower, muscles a little slower. She crawled back over to her bed and curled in on herself, feeling her body pressing her to cry but Kou was old enough to see the tear tracks and red eyes and know what they meant.

She had been heartbroken four times in five years. The first, and worst, had been letting Kuroo leave. If she had known then what her future would hold she never would have let him go. She never intend to complete the pregnancy, she was going to go to college after all. She hadn't thought her parents would find out.

That was the second heartbreak.

They'd had her reject her acceptance and hid her away in their house. The only words they spoke to her were the demanding questions about the father. She never answered. So, she lived in silence, grew in silence, birthed in silence. And when her beautiful boy was born her parents brought her to her small studio apartment where, at last, she could enjoy the silence save for the few noises of her child.

In gaining a grandchild her parents relented in their forced isolation of her. They grew to smile again. Tame could leave Tetsukou with her mother to work at a local cafe near her apartment during the week and enjoy her family on the weekend because her manager was an angel of a human. She gained more independence as she became increasingly self-sufficient. It was thrilling, in a way, but still so lonely.

Every day Kou got older and every day he looked more like Tetsurou. It was a constant reminder of her lie, for hiding something so important from him was indeed lying. Her deceit and seclusion had clouded her judgement and in her desperate grab for happiness she lead herself to her third heartbreak.

There were few times her parents allowed her to leave the house when she was pregnant, especially when she was showing, but they couldn't be there all the time and she took every opportunity she could for a reprieve. The quiet park a few blocks away from her house was where she had her first interaction with Daishou. Well, the first interaction without Tetsurou by her side.

* * *

" _There's something different about you."_

 _Though the voice cut through the serenity of the park, she had been around Tetsu and Bokuto enough times to avoid being easily startled. Especially when she knew the voice._

" _Suguru-san, always a pleasure. You're act isn't cute and my obviously pregnant body can't relax in your presence."_

 _Instead he sat down right next to her right perch in the shade. Resolutely, she refused to look his direction._

" _Awh, come on, I'm not as bad as that boyfriend of yours thinks I am. Actually, where_ is _he anyway?"_

 _Even without looking she could feel his smile in his words._

" _You know exactly where he is."_

" _I do. Why aren't_ you _with him? Too fragile to travel?"_

 _The doctors had warned her that her growing child would force her organs to move. It had already been hard to breathe because of that but hey shortness of breath presently was solely due to the pain Suguru's words had caused. Tears formed unbidden in her eyes._

" _No. No, I'm not too weak to travel."_

 _She didn't know why she responded. She could have even lumbered away, slightly off balance now that her stomach always led the way. If she had left everything would have been better._

" _Mitsuku? Are you alright?"_

 _It may have been his voice sounded sincere or her already compromised emotional state but she turned to look at him then. Through slightly blurry vision she saw his concern and confusion. He reached out, arm hanging in the air, unsure of how to comfort her, and the dam broke._

 _She fell into him, telling him her whole story while he silently rubbed her back. It had felt so good to talk to another person she blinded herself to what she was doing. She let herself go._

* * *

It only took two years for the comfort to turn to something else. Slowly, so very slowly, the dynamic between them changed. When he courted her after she gave birth she felt wanted, cared for, and for a time, remembered a semblance of the happiness she had had with Tetsu.

When Daishou suggested she and her baby move in with him it seemed like such a gift. She wouldn't have to burden her parents any longer, she could leave her apartment and live in comfort. As a new mother, that was the only thing she wanted for her son.

Playing house had been exciting. Cutting her hours at the cafe to spend more time with Kou at home was a luxury. The menial household tasks she was prepared to wait years for we're surprisingly comforting. Her life became consistent and dependable.

While her focus was on all the new changes in her life- seeing her son grow and be happy, maintaining a house- she neglected to see certain signs in her relationship.

It hadn't bothered her that Dai had insisted that Tetsukou sleep in his own room. He could walk well enough, Tame had wanted to get him used to sleeping on his own mattress anyway. It seemed like they were just on the same page.

She also wasn't upset when he got angry after hearing about her few interactions with Kenma. After all, his biggest high school loss was, in part, caused by him. So, she endeavored to make him comfortable, as he had done for her.

There were other signs, she was sure, but it wasn't until Daishou demanded she not call her son by his full name that she noticed the change. He was colder, spent less time at home, requested her parents watch Tetsukou overnight more often. She realized the issue. Daishou felt second to Tetsurou yet again. Everytime he looked at her son he was reminded that his biggest high school rival had gotten to her first.

That was when he began to press her for an engagement. The idea scared her. Something in her still romanticized about reuniting with Tetsurou again. If she agreed to marry Daishou she would be giving up any hope of that future. But, then, hadn't she already done so by hiding his son from him? By falling into the arms of someone he despised so much?

Daishou had waited, oddly patient after having fevered conversations with Tame about committing to each other. He waited so long she thought he had changed his mind. However, the guilty relief she felt was short lived when, on the eve of her son's birthday, in front of family and friends, he announced their engagement.

The room had tried erupted in cheers, parents already asking when the wedding date would be. Tame had become too sick to do anything but smile and to try desperately to mean it. She knew everyone in the room right Daishou was crazy for being with someone who had a child with another man. There had been words spoken in her earshot that reminded her that she wouldn't be seen as desirable to anyone else.

Now, Daishou had taken matters into his own hands and all she could do was watch from the sidelines. It was then that her mind and body began to give in to the future her boyfriend, now suddenly fiance, was writing for her.

When they arrived home he couldn't keep his hands off of her. It explained why he was adamant about her parents taking her son for the night. He was happy, so happy, but desperately so. He touched her as if he was trying to erase the fact that anyone had been there before him and during the height of intimacy he whispered his intention to give her another child. His own.

In that moment something inside her shifted. The little voice that had been begging her for years not to pursue anything with him, not to move in, not to stay, had begin to scream. Every movement felt wrong and uncomfortable and when he climaxed her chest felt like it had been crushed.

She cried that night, and every night they repeated the act. It was silent, just tears rolling onto her pillowcase. There was no sobbing or gasping. They were the tears of someone trapped by circumstance, of someone who let go.

The only comfort she had was her son, and the knowledge that the IUD the hospital gave her after she gave birth would prevent her from bearing a child of a man whom she did not love.

"Mama?"

Tetsukou rounded the corner into her room, holding his favorite fox tight to his chest and rubbing a chubby toddler fist into his sleepy eyes.

"Kou-chan! Come up here and lay with your mama."

He smiled and shimmied his way onto the bed, struggling a bit because he refused to let go of his fox. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. His hair tickled her nose but he smelled so comforting she buried her face in it. Tetsukou giggled.

"Mama, stoooooop!"

He pushed her away and she let him go, knowing that he'd jump right back on top of her. When he did she feigned getting the wind knocked out of her. After a few more jumps she attacked his belly, ticking him until he couldn't control his laughter.

"You're my best friend." He said when they both calmed down.

Her smile matched his and she poked his cheek.

"And you're mine. Now, help me make the beds before we get ready to go."

His eyes lit up and he scrambled off the bed, excited to go to school. School was sort of a generous term at his age. It was more like educational daycare but that was to be expected.

When she asked him to go get dressed she went to her closet. From the highest shelf in the farthest corner she pulled a box, old and shredded slightly on the edges from use. Despite its rundown appearance, it was the only thing on the shelf lacking the very light dusty layer she couldn't seem to get rid of.

She brought it to her bed and carefully removed the top few layers. Passed all of Kou's pediatric information, passed old photos of her and her friends, passed the little knick knacks she just couldn't seem to let go of, was a smaller box.

With slightly shaking hands she withdrew it, lifting away the lid to see the contents. On the left side, organized in chronological order, was a copy of every single photo she had taken of her son. On the right was a stack of 6x5 moleskine journals containing everything she could remember of the big moments in Kou's life. She included minor things as well, the smallest things were so indicative of the type of person her son was becoming. Some pages contained confessions to Tetsurou; apologies, the number of times she tried to call him but couldn't follow through, the time she actually bought a plane ticket to see him only to cancel a day later, her reasoning, however flawed, as to why she did what she did. She thought that maybe there were even expressions of her feelings for him.

Tame closed the lid and set the box aside, leaving it in the bed as she returned its previous hiding place back to it's lonely shelf corner. If Tetsurou didn't want to see her today, she would find some way to give it to him.

As it turned out, she did not need find a way.

Her phone rang happily as she was spitting the last of her toothpaste into the sink. Stepping to it quickly she saw that she didn't recognize the number but she answered anyway. Maybe her mother finally caved and upgraded her phone.

"Hello?"

Her tone was absent-minded as she ran a brush through her hair.

"Tame?"

The loud crack of her brush hitting the floor was the only thing that could make the moment real. Through the tightness of her throat she spoke.

"Tet-Tetsu!"

Oh, she was already crying. It was jarring to hear his voice after five years and the floodgates failed to hold back every emotion she'd hidden during that time.

"Mama!" Tetsukou called to her from the other room. She could already hear his little feet rushing toward her, "Are you okay?"

She had just enough time to wipe away her tears and clear her throat before he was barreling toward her.

"Yes, sweet boy, I'm fine."

She sniffed and squeezed her eyes for a second to prevent the tears from returning.

"I heard a crash!"

His serious face usually made her laugh or smile but with his father in the phone all she could see was the same concern in his eyes that she once had seen in Tetsurou's. She cleared her throat and mustered some control.

"Yes, mama dropped her hairbrush, that's all." He seemed convinced so she pinched his cheek, "now go grab your favorite shoes so we can go, okay?"

That did the trick. He ran happily from the room.

" _God_ , that was him?"

Tetsurou sounded as if he was crying too.

"Yeah."

"I think we need to talk, face to face."

"When are you-"

"Anytime. As soon as possible. Right now."

"Okay."

After she dropped her son at school she walked on wobbly legs to her coffee shop, box under her arm. She didn't have to work, but it was familiar and somewhat comforting. They could also talk in the privacy of one of the small tea rooms on the second floor.

She arrived early by half an hour greeted warmly by her co-workers. The twisting in her gut warned her against most foods but didn't object when she thought of the honey roll. A pastry and some plain tea wouldn't be too much, if she didn't eat she'd be worse off when he arrived.

On a last second decision she ordered what used to be Tetsurou's usual order before telling them she would be in the smallest tea room upstairs. She removed her shoes before entering and walked, dizzy, to sit near the window. The box was clasped tightly with one hand and pressed into her lap as she looked out to the bustling outside world to try and find calm.

After a few moments a tray was delivered with two cups of hot water covered by a plate to keep warm, tea bags leaning neatly against them, and an assortment of optional additions. She eyed the pastry and decided she would try and let her stomach settle a bit more before attempting a bite. She turned again toward the window, looking and not seeing, trapped by her thoughts.

That was how he found her.

* * *

He was nervous. Or angry. Or excited. He couldn't really decide. The previous night had been a very bad one. Kenma hadn't answered any of his questions and with every passing moment a feeling of loss began to consume him. He fell asleep, thinking of his son, and dreamed of what he looked like.

Talking to Tame just an hour ago had been…difficult, to say the least. He hadn't gone one day without having even just a fleeting thought, a memory, with her in it. So many times he wanted to call her but he didn't want to do damage to either of them by doing so. She was, he had assumed, in college and couldn't very well drop everything to visit him. It would have been too painful for both of them to keep in contact.

He had plans. He wanted to run into her casually, after carefully planning it, if course. He wanted to make her fall in love with him all over again because he knew he would have to. Their goodbye and the weeks before had been cruel to her, he knew. It wouldn't have been a surprise to him to find her distant or standoffish. The disparity between his idea of how her life had gone and reality had been more than surprise. It had been shattering.

The cafe staff greeted him cheerfully and he tried his best to respond politely but he was already scanning for the stairs. It took effort not to take them three at a time. Slowly, as if he were afraid, he approached the room, wondering if he would recognize the person he saw.

She was facing away from the doorway, out the window. Her dark brown hair was still curled at the very ends in soft ringlets, forced into position by her habit of twisting her hair in her fingers during every idle moment. In fact, she was doing that very thing, eyes glazed over and sadness in the set of her mouth. Tetsurou could only see her profile but he knew she had grown more beautiful since last he saw her.

It was when he saw the box in her hand, knuckles white as fingers held tight, that he made himself known with a soft knock on the wall. He looked down to take off his shoes, one last move to prolong having to look at her. When he looked up he saw immediately the many emotions she felt. She always did wear her emotions too clearly.

She looked shocked, as if she wasn't expecting him, but right away he saw her change, go through each feeling. Guilt was the first. Pure, undiluted guilt that made her lips tremble. Then came more sadness. The trembling lips were joined by glassy eyes. If she blinked the tears would roll down. There were short bursts of other emotions: happiness, shame, loneliness. But the finale was fear. Her whole body shook and she brought her free hand to cover her mouth. The tears feel then. He could see how afraid she was. Of what he would do or say, or maybe what he would think of her.

He was hurting, betrayed and in pain, but she had tortured herself for years, he could see as much. And knowing that split his heart in half. It took just two steps to get close enough to kneel in front of her. As he did she closed her eyes and turned away, her hand muffling each sob. Her body shook and he could see her grip on the box was unsteady.

Volleyball hadn't done much to effect his life off the court but for the first time his perception and reflexes saved something other than a ball from hitting the ground. The box slid from her lap and the rest of her strength left her, body crumpling, consumed with emotion. Tetsurou caught her long before she could your the ground.


End file.
